Harass Harry
by JateLostLove
Summary: A Harry Potter advice column where Harry and the rest of the characters give you advice. You can ask them any questions about the books or anything though too. Send the questions to me in a review and I'll have them answer. fyi they're not real :
1. Chapter 1

**Ok everyone I'm starting a Harry Potter advice column thing but you can ask him and the rest of the characters anything you want about the book or anything. You'll send your questions in the form of reviews. I'll start a real post once I get some questions. Thanks!**

**PUSH that pretty little button down there that says GO and send a review :)**


	2. Issue 1

**Harass Harry**

**Issue 1**

**In correspondence to Ileranerak's question: **Harry James Potter… will you marry me? -&- Ron, have you seen the Harry Potter movies the muggles are making? Do you like the way they portray you, and what do you think of Rupert Grint?

QUESTION 1:

**Harry: **That's – er – nice of you, but I married Ginny. I say we – er - drop this subject before she hears….

**Ginny: **Well, that's a stupid question to ask! If you truly _were _a fan of Harry's then you would have read that HE married ME! Ugh!

**Voldemort: **Can we move on? For one I'm dead and the dead like the quiet, and two I don't like talking about _love_.

QUESTION 2:

**Ron: **I have actually seen the muggle movies, Hermione made Harry and I watch them on the tele-see.

**Hermione:** Television, Ron.

**Ron:** Uh, right – er – that. Anyway, I guess they portray me ok, but they leave out a bunch of the cool stuff we did. Rupert Grint looks like a pretty cool guy. It would be cool to hang out with him, if only I could break through this barrier that separates fantasy from reality.

**In correspondence to Sweet Sadie's question: **Dear Neville, why do you like Herbology and plants so much?

**Neville:** I suppose because – er – I'm good at it.

**Snape:** Well what did you expect him to become, Potions Master?

**Ron:** Wow, people don't really change when they die do they, eh Harry? _Some_ people stay stupid, ugly gits. looks up

**Harry:** I wonder what Sirius would say about Snape now… eh Ron?

**Sirius:** Well, I suppose he would say that he still thinks its an astonishment that _Snivellus_ ever became a professor.

**In correspondence to Trix are for kids.'s question:** How annoying is it? You know! Stones, chambers, prisoners, goblets, order. Having everyone stare at you like a lion in a zoo? Is it kool? Or does it… suck?

**Harry:** The stones, chambers, prisoners, goblets, order, princes, and hallows have – er – sucked, but they were fun too I guess. I wish people would stop staring at me because yes, that's annoying.

**Ron:** Oh, Harry, come on mate, don't lie. People aren't staring at you, there staring at me next to you. But you shouldn't let it bother you, it's because I'm extremely famous.

**Hermione: **Right Ron, of course you are. rolls eyes

**In correspondence to La Nanita's question: **Harry, any particular reason you jumped into a freezing cold pond, naked, alone in the woods, with a piece of Voldemort's soul around your neck when Hermione was back at camp? Just wondering….

**Harry: **Well, I had to get the sword. I'm still not sure why I went in with no clothes, maybe the doe could Confund me or – er – something.

**Hermione:** That still doesn't explain why you didn't tell me.

**Harry: **Well the doe could've run away or something! Couldn't it. I wish you would stop arguing about it. What's done is done. I guess….

**In correspondence to BigD2k's question: **Harry, just asking why not Hermione?

**Harry:** Wow, there's lots of questions for me. Anyway Hermione is next to Ron my best friend. Dating her would be like dating my sister, which would be very awkward. Plus Ron gets this one.

**Ron:** And proud of it!

**Hermione:** I'm not a possession! One of you doesn't just get to get me. And I agree with Harry he is like a brother.

**In correspondence to Dark Priestess Tsubaki's question: **Harry, why do you suckith so? And Voldie, why are you bald and have no nose?

**Harry: **I don't suckith so! – or do I?

**Ron:** You do not suckith….

**Hermione: **No Harry, you do not, Ron suckiths.

**Ron: **Hey!

**Hermione:** Sorry….

**Voldie: **I am bald because I'm immortal and cool like that. Also I have no nose because I likeith it likeith that. Lol. I likeith adding ith to the end of words. But do not – not- _love_ith it.

**Hermione:** Oh, Voldemort, don't cry. It's ok.

**Harry and Ron:** Hermione!

**Hermione:** Whaaatt?

**Ron: **Don't start a Spew for immortals now!

**Hermione: **It's S.P.E.W.!!

Harry and Ron roll there eyes….

**A.N.- **Thanks for reviewing everyone. Please send in some more questions and you can ask them to absolutely any character that has ever appeared in the books- even little ones  Thanks again!


	3. Issue 2

Harass Harry

Issue 2

**In correspondence to Ashley's question: Hermione, do you like Emma Watson? Why did your bushy hair disappear after the first movie?**

**Q1:**

**Hermione:** I think Emma Watson does portray me well, she really does. I'm looking forward to see how she is in the rest of the movies!

**Q2:**

**Hermione:** It wasn't my bushy hair that disappeared, it was Emma Watson's. I guess they didn't think it was right for the movies, but that's all right.

**Ron:** I don't think there's anything wrong with your hair. I like it just the way it is. I think everyone's hair should be like yours.

**Harry:** Overkill, mate. Turn it down a few notches.

**Hermione:** Why, thank you Ron.

Awkward silence……

**In correspondence to rupert-grint-luver's question: uhm, Ron why do you like Hermione? I mean, why don't you want me instead?**

**Ron:** Well I guess –uh- I –er- like her because, well… I guess when your in love you cant control who it is, right Harry?

**Harry:** Er- yeah, right. Huhm.

Hermione gives Ron an evil look.

**Ron: **Not that I wouldn't choose you, though!

Hermione smiles.

**Ron: **Well as you probably noticed why not you is because I don't know you and I –uh- don't get away with much here.

Ron looks over at Hermione.

**In correspondence to BeautifulInsanity13's question: Harry and Ginny, why did you choose to name all your children after Harry's parents and fav people, and none of Ginny's, excluding Albus. George, how did you cope with Fred's death?? Did you end up getting married and having little redheaded twin boys and naming them Fred and George Jr.??**

**Q1:**

**Ginny:** I admire those names, thank you! I also think it's very important to Harry that our children our named after his parents, right?

**Harry: **Sure, I guess so….

**Ron whispers to Hermione: **When Ginny has her next kid, the baby shower gift is a baby book- for sure!

**Harry:** What was that Ron? Didn't catch it….

**Ron:** Oh –er- nothing mate just a cough (cough baby book cough).

**Q2:**

**George: **Well, yes it was very hard with Fred's you know, but according to everyone at least he died happy, right? Joking just like he would have wanted. And of course I did name two of my kids after us!

**Ron: **You should've seen the teachers when F&G Jr. went to Hogwarts! Just hilarious!

**Hermione: **Well, I can see why! And it doesn't help that George taught them all the pranks, passages, and secrets!

**Harry: **Oh, come on… those came in handy when we were there.

**Hermione:** I cannot believe both of you! Those were different times and Jr. and Jr. taught Rose and Hugo!

**Ron: **Well even if they hadn't I would have.

**Hermione: **hugh!

**In correspondence to Sweet Sadie's questions: Voldie, everyone has a hidden talent, what's yours? - and – Sirius, how come Prongs and Moony married, but you never did?**

**Q1: **

**Voldie: **Well, I – uh - , oh just don't tell anyone… I can uh sing.

**Luna: **Oh, really? Sing for us, please do!

**Voldie: **I well uh, ok! Heh-hem..

Voldemort, Voldemort, oh Voldie, Voldie, Voldie, Voldemort!

**awkward silence**

**Q2:**

**Sirius: **Eh, I wasn't the marrying type. Well, maybe I would have been, but I never thought about it when I was young and then Azkaban then, of course, I went into hiding. So, I didn't really have a chance did I?

**In correspondence to The Amazing Chez's questions: Voldy, I just want to say that you're a much more awesome character as Tom Riddle, the cunning, charming boy who can weasel info out of anyone. Also, Tom Riddle isn't a bad name. Tom is overused, sure…. But Riddle is a rocking surname, dude! Any response to that? – and- Harry, why must you be such a Gary-Stu? Geez, man, you're hogging the whole dang books! Pfft, sure, I know they're about you… but why with all the invincibility and correct decisions and leadership whatnot? You should've at least died, sheesh! -- DIE, POTTER, DIE! Err, Harry, why don't you just ignore that last bit?**

**(yeesh that was long!)**

**Q1:**

**Voldy: **I hate the name Tom Riddle, do not speak of it or in reference to me! And do not call me dude, either!!!! Face my wrath… CRUCIO! (just kidding) 

**goes and sulks in a corner**

**Q2:**

**Harry: **I don't mean to hog the books! That's the author's fault, not mine! And of course they're about me, that's why my name's in the title! I didn't want the invincibility (though it helped), correct decisions (though those helped too), and leadership! I didn't want to die!!! And how can I ignore that last part when you just told me to die? You'll be hearing from the publisher! Bloody-

**Ginny: **HARRY! This is a column rated everyone….. watch your tongue, will you?!?

**Thanks for reviewing everyone! That is all for this issue! There were so many and I will add those onto the next issue, but I still need more questions so please send 'em in! I hoped you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. See you next time!**


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